Good News! I've Solved the Illegal Immigrant Problem!

I have developed a two-pronged solution to the illegal immigrant problem.

First, we need to go national on the NYC plan for the homeless: If they are here illegally, we buy them a one-way plane ticket (or bus ticket, if they're already close enough to Mexico) to where they ought to be. I figure if we spend $500 per illegal immigrant and there are 15 million of them, the government spends $7.5 billion. A relative bargain!

[Of course, with the government running the program, the costs will be higher...but even at $1000 per illegal immigrant and even if the government could find 20 million of them, it's still just $20 billion. By California standards alone, that's a good deal.]

Second, I think we as a nation have been ignoring the example of our neighbors to the north in Quebec. Up there, they all stubbornly speak one language and look down upon those who deign to visit and not speak their mother tongue. That—and the cold weather—easily explains why most of us don't want to live there!

These simple steps alone should put a huge dent in the problem. I'll try to make some headway on that world peace problem this weekend.