Highlights from Tax Season, Part 1

In just four days, your IRS tax return is due....and my season at H&R Block comes to an abrupt end. Here are some highlights (and lowlights) of the 350+ tax returns I have prepared this year:

• Oldest Client: 97 years of age. Spry, too.
  
• Youngest Client: 14
  
• Biggest refund I filed for a client: $10,700
• Number of refunds I filed over $8000 (including the one above): 4
• Biggest debt owed the IRS on a return I prepared: About $2400
• Number of women who told me they planned to use their tax refund (or their half of it) to pay for their divorce: 2
• Largest withdrawal from a retirement plan, without having any federal taxes withheld: Over $26,000. (Note: Don't ever do this.) Thankfully, the client was old enough not to have to pay the early withdrawal penalty. Same client couple had over $4,000 in gambling winnings. Hmmm.....
  
• Largest refund filed in the office this year, to my knowledge: $24,000
• Largest debt owed to the IRS on paperwork I witnessed: $8800
• All clients on the same day: One couple had a baby die several days after its birth (in 2007); a woman came in to file a tax return for her mother who died last month; a client came in whose father and brother died last year in a house fire. Another client had lost a son to a car accident several years before. And another client came in to finish and sign her paperwork, started a few days earlier, whose husband (a police officer) committed suicide in 2005.
• Most children claimed as dependents on a return: 6
  

Free Throw Shooting: Local Boy Wins Contest

Today's local paper says that a local 9-year-old boy won a state title in the 2008 Knights of Columbus free throw shooting contest. By making 24 of 25 free throws as the final shooter in the final round (he missed #6), he forced a shoot-off in which he sunk 4 of 5 to take the victory. This all came after winning three other contests to advance to the state final.

Rumor has it that Memphis is already scouting him.

One More NCAA Tournament Thought....

Does anyone know when Billy Packer is going to retire? Soon? Please?

Practicing the Basics

Kansas defeated Memphis last night for the NCAA National Championship in men's basketball. It was a most entertaining game.

And the overwhelmingly obvious fact is this: Memphis choked at the free-throw line in the waning moments of the second half. Everyone will likely remember the clutch 3-point shot made with 2.1 seconds to go, forcing overtime; but will they remember that Memphis missed four of the last five free throws in the last 90 seconds of regulation? Will they remember that Memphis ranked 339th out of 341 Division I teams in free-throw percentage on the season, at a mere 59%? (I honestly believe that with a couple hours practice, I could make more than 59%.) On the game, Memphis made 12 of 19; Kansas made a fantastic 14 of 15.

I suppose it is possible that Memphis, flush with talent and full of momentum entering the game, downplayed the significance of practicing that most basic (and generally certain) of basketball skills: The fifteen-foot charity stripe shot. There is no excuse for a team of scholarship athletes not to be able to top 60% for the entire season in free-throw shooting. And I really suspect that when the game was on the line, able to be put away in the final seconds, that those players knew deep in the back of their minds that they weren't ready.

On the upside, basketball coaches everywhere have an example to point to when players gripe about "why do I have to practice free throws...again?"

The Offertory

Have you ever wondered why people talk/chat/etc. during the offertory at church?

My wife and I would argue that such behavior is disrespectful both to God and to the musician. Odd though it may seem to some, giving is part of worship. We would all do well to teach others this, yes; but we would do even better to act like it is a time of worship. We should use the time of the offering to meditate on the fact that God has given to us and that we are to give back to Him, not only because it is commanded, but because we love Him and joyfully want to give to Him.

On top of this, the musician with the responsibility of playing an offertory has probably spent some time practicing the music. Hopefully this person wants to lend to the atmosphere of worship (as opposed to mere entertainment), and a quiet reflection upon the music is far more appropriate than distracting conversation.

So when the offertory begins at your church, I would recommend quiet meditation and reflection on what God has done for you, what you should do for God, and perhaps a thought or two about the worshipful music being played. Don't distract others during this important time.

Hymn of the Week: Take the Name of Jesus With You (Precious Name)

9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:
10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;
11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Philippians 2:9-11)

It is interesting and edifying to observe what the Bible says about the name of Jesus. Focusing on the fact that it should not be taken in vain, or blasphemed, is easy to do. It is also good to note that the name of Jesus will one day be exalted above every other name, as the verses above remind us.

But it is also a blessing to know that Jesus' name is the precious and sweet "hope of earth and joy of heaven." It does comfort us, wherever we go, to know that He is with us. It does remind us in times of temptation that we can rely on Him. It does thrill our soul and give us reason to sing. And, yes, we will bow at His feet when we hear His name.

This hymn's words were written by Lydia O. Baxter in 1870, and regardless of whether you know the title as "Take the Name of Jesus With You" or "Precious Name," I hope it comforts and encourages you to read these words again.

Take the Name of Jesus With You (Precious Name)

Take the Name of Jesus with you,
Child of sorrow and of woe,
It will joy and comfort give you;
Take it then, where’er you go.

Refrain

Precious Name, O how sweet!
Hope of earth and joy of Heav’n.
Precious Name, O how sweet!
Hope of earth and joy of Heav’n.

Take the Name of Jesus ever,
As a shield from every snare;
If temptations round you gather,
Breathe that holy Name in prayer.

Refrain

O the precious Name of Jesus!
How it thrills our souls with joy,
When His loving arms receive us,
And His songs our tongues employ!

Refrain

At the Name of Jesus bowing,
Falling prostrate at His feet,
King of kings in Heav’n we’ll crown Him,
When our journey is complete.

Refrain

Furthermore, the Emperor Has No Clothes...

A local fifth-grade student made headlines this week by correctly identifying a technical error in the Smithsonian's Tower of Time exhibit at the National Museum of Natural History. Apparently, he was alert to the fact that "Precambrian" is not technically classified as an era. While no visitors to the museum had commented on this since it was erected in 1981, some of the paleobiologists on the staff had already noticed it.

Young Kenton certainly deserves credit for being observant and noticing something that was incorrect in the scheme of evolutionary thought.

But the greater error is so much more obvious: There was no evolution! The Smithsonian, like most of the American scientific establishment, unabashedly assumes that all we see came to pass as a result of billions of years of gradual change; and furthermore scorns the idea of an omnipotent Creator who made it all. The Tower of Time is a piece of the propaganda machine used to add credit to the unproven, unprovable, and untenable hypothesis of evolution.

Kenton pointed out that the emperor has a little tiny mole. I'd like to point out that the emperor has no clothes.

Substitute Teaching: Spring Break Update

Now that we have reached spring break in this part of the world, it is time for me to update my substitute teaching totals.

So through 4/4/08, here is where I have been so far:

• Mattawan (26; 13 in HS, 12 in MS, 1 in Elem.)
  
• Decatur (6; 1 in HS, 3 in MS, 2 in Elem.)
  
• Paw Paw (5; 4 in HS, 1 in Elem.)
  
• Gobles (5; 4 in HS, 1 in MS)
  
• Lawrence (4; 2 in HS, 1 in MS, 1 in Elem.)
• Bloomingdale (3; 2 in HS, 1 in Elem.)
  
• Lawton (3; 1 in Alternative Ed., 1in HS, 1 in MS)
• Howardsville Christian (2, HS)
  

I still have so many interesting stories to tell....

Beginning in late-April, I will be "subbing full-time" at Heritage Christian through the end of the school year, which will end the need to keep track of the public school totals. H&R Block season ends abruptly on April 15.

April Fools! (Democrat-style)

According to this foxnews.com story, Hillary Clinton offered the following proposal to break the deadlock currently being endured in the Democratic primaries:

PHILADELPHIA — Democrat Hillary Rodham Clinton walked somberly into a press conference Tuesday and stood before microphones. Reporters tensed, sensing something big might be afoot.

“This has been a very hard fought race,” she said. “We clearly need to do something so that our party and our people can make the right decision. So, I have a proposal.”

The tension grew. Reporters shifted in their seats. Was she dropping out of the race? Offering to join rival Barack Obama as his running mate?

April Fools!

“Today, I am challenging Senator Obama to a bowl-off,” Clinton said, provoking relieved laughs from the assembled scribes.

Clinton carried on, making reference to Obama’s disastrous outing at a Pennsylvania bowling alley Saturday.

“A bowling night. Right here in Pennsylvania. The winner take all,” she went on. “I’ll even spot him two frames.”

“It is time for his campaign to get out of the gutter and allow all the pins to be counted. I’m prepared to play this game all the way to the tenth frame. When this game is over, the American people will know that when that phone rings at 3 a.m., they’ll have a president ready to bowl on day one.”

“Let’s strike a deal and go bowling for delegates. We don’t have a moment to spare, because it’s already April Fool’s Day. Happy April Fool’s Day.”

I'll give her credit for this—it is the most amusing (and least dangerous) idea she has offered in weeks!