Why I'm Voting Democrat: Some Reasons

If you read this blog regularly, you understand not to take this literally. I found this list on a facebook page. There were more, but here are some highlights:

Why I'm voting Democrat:

I'm voting Democrat because English has no place being the official language in America.

I'm voting Democrat because I'd rather pay $4 for a gallon of gas than allow drilling for oil off the coasts of America.

I'm voting Democrat because I think the government will do a better job of spending my money than I could.

I'm voting Democrat because when we pull out of Afghanistan and Iraq, I know the Islamic terrorists will stop trying to kill us because they'll think we're a good and decent country.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe people who can't tell us if it will rain in two or three days, can now tell us the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years if I don't start riding a bicycle, build a windmill or inflate my tires to proper levels.

I'm voting Democrat because it's alright to kill millions of babies as long as we keep violent, convicted murderers on death row alive.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe businesses in America should not be allowed to make profits. Businesses should just break even and give the rest to the government so politicians and bureaucrats can redistribute the money the way they think it should be redistributed.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe guns, and not the people misusing them, are the cause of crimes and killings.

I'm voting Democrat because when someone with a weapon threatens my family or me, I know the government can respond faster through a call to 911 than I can with a gun in my hand.

I'm voting Democrat because oil companies' 5% profit on a gallon of gas are obscene, but government taxes of 18% on the same gallon of gas are just fine.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe three or four elitist liberals should rewrite the Constitution every few months to suit some fringe element that could never get their agenda past voters.

I'm voting Democrat because illegal aliens are not criminals, are not sucking up resources through government aid, hospital services, education, or social services, but are just people trying to make a better life by coming to America illegally. We can't blame them for that, can we?

I'm voting Democrat because my trial lawyer's crippling multi-million dollar lawsuits against doctors, hospitals, drug companies, and HMO's will make health insurance and medicine much more affordable.

I'm voting Democrat because Al Sharpton, Louis Farrakhan, and Jesse Jackson will end racism once and for all.

I'm voting Democrat because Christians in the Republican Party are intolerant, theocratic warmongers and atheists like William Ayers have never hurt anybody.

I'm voting Democrat so that no family member of mine will die in a hospital bed. They will still be waiting in line for Obama's socialized medicine, so they will never actually make it into a hospital bed.

I'm voting Democrat because I like eminent domain and big business and government kicking me out of my home and taking my land.

I'm voting Democrat because everyone knows that raising taxes at the top won't hurt people at the bottom.

I'm voting Democrat because skin color and good oratory skills are more important than judgment and experience.

I'm voting Democrat because protecting barren wasteland is more important than energy indepedence.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that Cuba, Russia, and China should be on the United Nations Human Rights Council.

I'm voting Democrat because I believe that everyone is essentially good -- even people like Ahmadinejad who call for the destruction of Israel. He just needs a little understanding.

I'm voting Democrat because we should all be forced to drive ugly cars with the horsepower of a riding lawnmower.

I am voting Democrat because I believe in change; although I don't know WHAT the change will be, or HOW it will happen, AND I am pretty sure that I won't WANT to actually change anything I do, but still....I believe in change.

I'm voting Democrat because the government knows how to raise children better than parents do.

I'm voting Democrat because I want the rich to work harder, give me their money, and pay for my services so I don't have to.

I'm voting Democrat because I don't give to charity or do volunteer work and then I complain about how selfish everyone else is.

I'm voting Democrat because I've seen welfare help so many poor people become self-sufficient and upwardly mobile.

I'm voting Democrat because life just isn't fair and I deserve what other people have without working for it.

I'm voting Democrat because I like how democrats can cause financial crises' like Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and have the temerity to blame them on Republicans.

I'm voting Democrat because Obama was endorsed by Hamas and terrorists' endorsements are a must to achieve world peace.

Im voting democrat because it's the COOL thing to do. I'm hip and in the majority.